


The War of Words

by foxtwin



Category: Phantom Tollbooth - Juster
Genre: Gen, Word Play, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-24
Updated: 2009-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-05 04:32:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxtwin/pseuds/foxtwin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>King Azaz the Unabridged requires Milo's assistance -- again!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The War of Words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wasuremono](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wasuremono/gifts).



My Dearest Milo,

The “War of Words” in Dictionopolis has lasted almost three years now. Everything I have tried has come to naught. Even the mighty Mathemagician is unable to assist. And as much as Pure Rhyme and Sweet Reason wish to intervene, they cannot for fear of tipping the precious balance you worked so hard to restore. As such, it has become a local issue – but an issue I know I shan’t be able to remedy without your able assistance.

Shortly after your departure, and for many years since, there has been a feud between the closely related Adjective and Adverb families. These families have been correcting each other’s sentences, rearranging each other’s syntax to appeal to their particular point of view, and dropping – or adding – letters to each others’ words to suit their own selfish purposes. Each time has been worse than the last. I was initially willing to let such feuding be called what it was – a tiff, a squabble, an argument, a misunderstanding – even a quarrel. But for the past three years, their feud has escalated into calumnies, slanders, defamations, libels and vilifications! Such atrocities have now spilled over into everyday life in Dictionopolis – and citizens unrelated to the Adjectives and Adverbs have begun to take sides. As a result, they have made a mockery of the language altogether, changing it by the hour!

For instance, all the signs leading to Dictionopolis are blatantly bent, wickedly walloped, deliberately destroyed, decidedly demolished, maliciously maurauded, viciously vandalized, or demoniacally disfigured. One such sign – Drive Slowly – was unnecessarily uprooted, only to be replaced with another sign – Slow – solidly staked into the ground just beyond it. Just last week after a stirring speech that included pancakes, sausage, eggs, and toast, I was told by a young member of the Adjectives that she liked the way I used short words. I thanked her for pointing out the obvious, until one of the Adverbs objected to her remark, and insisted that instead I use my words shortly!

So, you see my dilemma. The constant bickering between the Adverbs and the Adjectives has now begun to involve their cousins, the Nouns and the Verbs! Not to be outdone, their neighbors the Jerunds, Articles and Prepositions have joined the fray. Then, as if that were not bad enough, this morning my treasurer reported that all of the Ls and Ys are missing from the royal vaults, not to mention various Is, Ns and Gs! And as much as I would like to speak in stronger sentences, I’m afraid I have been using more of a passive voice lately – at least in public – for fear of destroying the kingdom.

The whole of it has become such a mess, that even the Spelling Bee has lost his faculty for spelling words correct – or correctly – as the rules governing Adjectives and Adverbs have been changing by the minute! My speeches have begun to taste like drivel, as I am forever having to choose whether to please the Adjectives or the Adverbs.

My advisors are also no help. Even as I write you this missive, the Duke of Definition has begun to quarrel with the Undersecretary of Understanding! The Minister of Meaning has backhanded the Earl of Essence, after agreeing with the Count of Connotation, who had courteously corrected him!

Milo – I need your assistance as quickly as possible! You will find the tollbooth wrapped as a Christmas present. I could not trust the usual methods of parcel post supplying it to you. Our mail carrier has recently changed to carrying full plate, and so refuses to do anything more. I can only hope the Kingdom of Dictionopolis doesn’t fall into further ruin in your absence.

Sincerest Hopes and Hoping Sincerely,

King Azaz the Unabridged

Regent of Dictionopolis

 

P.S. Bring your magical box. It may be our only hope of reconciling the situation.


End file.
